ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
