I'm drive I can fine osifer
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
