so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
