Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
