Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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