come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
