Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
