she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
