it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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