My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
