All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
