it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I touched a dick in church today
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
