my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This is my gift to your gina
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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