what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
