What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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