oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
