Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
