if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
