5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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