You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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