burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize