Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
