he wants to bone in the snuggie
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
