i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
