I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
