i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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