i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
