i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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