just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize