I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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