I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
