awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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