I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
