Yo dont text me then not text me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
