Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
