My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
