to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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