Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Less talking, more tequila
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
