They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
