Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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