Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
