When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Everything about him screamed your future.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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