I met the friendliest cop last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
