He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
