You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
