dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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