I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize