TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I know her cup size but not her name....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
