he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize