Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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