69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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