...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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