so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize