woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
