don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
