I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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