I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
