The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
