Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You left your phone here
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