I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
