You just made me feel so damn special
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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