and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
