I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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