my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize