Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
