just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ā¤ļø
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