So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
