Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
