Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
