just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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