i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
