my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
