I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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