On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
