guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
