Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
