if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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