I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize