as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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