The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
