I'm so fucking centered right now
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
