He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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