Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You were trust falling into bushes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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