she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
