Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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