I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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