My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
nutella sex= disaster
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
