you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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