So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
