Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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