I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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