So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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