Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
