i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You can't special order awesome
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
