make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
