Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
