32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drunk is not a location!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
