i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize