you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
